I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
