no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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