what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
