where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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