I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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