I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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