I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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