Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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