I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
