its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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