I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
