is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
