All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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