Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
