I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you never un-have a 4some
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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