I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
