All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
