similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
