can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
