if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
