I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
