Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
