tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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