Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
