Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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