Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
