I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
