Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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