Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
