how can u be prego again
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
