I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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