Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
