Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
