Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
