i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
