I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Alive.
So much puke
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
