my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
