just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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