i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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