I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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