I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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