So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
