i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
