Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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