I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
