I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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