I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
