It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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