you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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