haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
