It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
