I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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