I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
