I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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