Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
