a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
