what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
