OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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