so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
