The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
