If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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