This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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