Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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