and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
