You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
