I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
