i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
