it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
