I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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