she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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